(Originally written in April)

So this year is the year I decided to was gonna do it. I’m going to Australia. Now, whether I actually go is another thing. But as they say, reach for the moon because even if you miss you’ll land amongst the stars.

I got my Australian tourism visa in March this year, and I finally had a good enough excuse to buy the Pakt Travel Backpack. A minimalist travel bag that I have been in love with for a long time.

Back in like, 2016/2017, when The Minimalists made their first documentary, they shown a bag on there. But the bag was old and had been discontinued for many years, so they teamed up with the very sustainable minimalist bag company called Pakt to recreate the bag from the documentary that they had so much interest in.

The only problem was, it was an over-the-shoulder style bag and my hatred for these has been… prominent for my entire life. There was so many aspects of the bag I loved, but, just not the carry style. I said to myself if they ever made a backpack version, they could take all my money, I would be owning it.

And can you guess what happened? Yes. they made one. Pakt partnered with bag reviewer and enthusiast Chase Reeves, and they made the exact same bag, but in backpack format. Except, they brought it out in April of 2020. like, why Chase? Why?

I watched the trailers, the box openings, the reviews of this darn bag over and over again. I just couldn’t justify paying a total of £400 (with shipping and customs) for a bag that I didn’t know I would ever get to use. I told myself for two years, when I finally get to go to Australia, that bag will be my symbol of freedom.

I don’t usually put so much emotional weight on material possessions. Trust me, especially a material possession to carry more material possessions. But, it was the most minimalistic travel bag out there. Try and find another one better, I’ll wait. I had to get my stuff from point A to point B somehow, and I wanted it to be in this fine specimen.

Two years… flew? Dragged? Who even knows. But then late February 2022 arrived. Over night there was so much sadness and destruction, and it made me realise that life is too short to wait for “one day” we all know I have a trouble with getting around to that. So I applied for an Australian visa, and in March, it was granted. I held it in my hands with such a look of pride and fear combined.

Then, “The List” was born. The List is a name I gave to, well, a list. The List is titled “Accomplishments Before Australia”. Which, again, was everything I wanted to accomplish before i went to Australia. It was like a to do list, but… an Alex version. My visa was valid for a year. From March 2022 until March 2023, so I decided to myself I would be going sometime this year, September or later.

The List includes mainly personal things to me, so there would be no point including it. But, to summarise: I’m a very scared and anxious person. I always have been, and I thought I always would be. But I knew if I was going to travel 10,000 miles away- I couldn’t be scared anymore. so, I started a list, with checkboxes to the side of each entry.

I started writing. “Conquer my fear of… talking to strangers” I wrote. “Learn how to cook properly” “Get over your fear of using a bus alone”, I added. Then my hand didn’t stop. “Learn how to order take out food alone”. “Learn how to go to a hotel alone” “Use the cashier option in shops instead of a self-checkout”. I went on.

“Get over my fear of the dentist was next”- I have had a crippling phobia of the dentist most of my life and managed to avoid them. Until I’d got a bad tooth or two. One just needed filling, which, with a lot of panic attacks, got done. Then i was informed I needed a back tooth out from when I chipped it as a teenager, have I had that done yet? No. But I will. If I can get over that, I can get over anything.

“Get over my fear of the airport” was another. Heights have never scared me, but manoeuvring around a busy airport scares the living daylights out of me. So I went to an airport and manoeuvered around for a while, asked some questions, watched the planes from the overly priced viewing deck, sat in the cafe to get use to… the smell… (my autistic friends will understand lmao).

I went to a hotel, alone, for a week. Just in the city near my hometown, somewhere I’m familiar with at first. They may seem like such weird little things, especially for someone who wants to be a keen traveller. But trust me, anxiety can make a prisoner if your own mind, a prisoner in your home, in your skin.

The first and last thing on my lists were my vaccinations. Have my first one, check. Sandwich all my accomplishments into the 12-week waiting period until my next one, then I’m ready to go. I have yet to have my second one (I test myself before I go anywhere just as a precaution).

Now, I just do random things, because I can. Go for a fancy meal alone? Sure. Go to the cinema by myself? Did that yesterday. So, thank you, wonderful bag that is hanging in the back of my bedroom door. You may just be a material possession to some, but to me you’re a reminder, you’re motivation, of where I’m going and what I’m doing.

I, for once in my life, an incredibly tired from doing so much stuff. It’s very rare I get a day at home anymore. Which is something, as someone who was once totally housebound for years with agoraphobia/anxiety, I never ever thought I would say. So I won’t be giving everyone a detailed review of the bag, but here is a link the Chase himself giving you a review of it, for those interested.

And yes, it came in totally plastic free packaging, which is something I thought I’d add. Also, update from my last post: I’m still not in my new apartment. There was a hold up on their end. But, it’s “very close” as per the words of my estate agent. Some people, honestly.