(originally posted on 29/04/21)

I would of wrote my usual annual update in January, just like last year, but, there was nothing much to say. Shortly after writing that blog post, the entire world went on lockdown, and life, as scary as it became, didn’t really change much day to day. I was the same boring but essential routine.

Wake up – stay safe – go back to sleep. Depressing, but necessary. I won’t talk about the happenings of the world too much, I understand places like this can be a safe haven from all the commotion.

I was one of the lucky ones who wasn’t effected much by everything that started in 2020, at the time I was living at home, and didn’t really have anywhere to be or any obligations to fill. I was spending my days practicing mindfulness and healing after some tough years.

In all the irony that surrounds it, on New Year’s Day 2020, I got given a fortune cookie, the fortune inside read “This is the year you’ll discover new places”, and my eyes lit up. “This must be it! The year I’ll travel to Australia! Finally, I can be with my love, I can see the land of my dreams”

Less then 3 months after, I couldn’t even leave my house. I was so scared of the uncertainty- as I’m sure everyone was. I remember watching something where the prime minister of Australia stated they were closing the Australian borders- I felt so deflated. Yes, that should of been the last thing on my mind, but when I sent my mind to something, it’s a mission I must complete.

I felt like my entire minimalism journey had been for nothing. “What’s the point?” I sighed. “I’m trapped here!” I added. For the first half of 2020 I had given up on myself. I hadn’t sank back into the depression that I had only just climbed out of, but I had let myself fall into a state of sadness.

I stopped doing anything. I stopped painting. I stopped writing. And I stopping going on walks or exercising. I just… didn’t see any point. Writing these words now seems so overwhelming and dreary, but they were my true feelings.

Then March 2020 was my 21st birthday. People that have been following me for a while will know that I never ask for stuff for any occasion, because I don’t need anything, and I don’t want people around me to buy me a physical object to show their love towards me.

But, on my birthday morning, as lockdown had only just begun and everyone was spending their days adjusting to the new reality we had found ourselves in, I got a letter through my mailbox.

I opened it up and burst into tears. My passport- it finally arrived. When I originally applied for my passport it was many months earlier, but there was a large delay. And I had completely forgotten about it, until now.

It reminded me of how trapped I now was. All the plans I had spent years thinking about and preparing were now postponed. And nobody knew when, or even if, my plans could be resumed one day.

This just added to my depression that I was already experiencing. I won’t get into it too much, but for a while I had forgotten all about minimalism and my passions and decided the best thing for me to do right now would be to get in touch with my doctor who spoke to me about how I was feeling, and after some therapy, he decided the best course of action would be to prescribe me with a stronger dosage or the antidepressant I was already taking.

“How much caffeine do you consume in a day?” My doctor asked me. When I fall into my, what I call, my “pits of despair”, I hardly sleep (anyone with depression or insomnia may be able to understand), and from this I drink far too many energy drinks.

“A lot…” I reply back to my doctor. He told me that because the new dosage of medication he had prescribed me affects my heart rate, he advised me to cut down on the energy drinks.

And that’s when I took a long, hard look at myself in my dusty black mirror. This was not me. This lifestyle I had fallen into was not one that aligned with my mindful and minimal mindset. I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my life back on track. And the first thing I did? I got rid of the energy drinks.

I’m someone who likes fast results, so was I going to slowly stop drinking then over time? Nope. One morning I simply woke up and decided to never drink them again. Ever.

It was hard for the first few days, but people told me that was to be expected. After a while, I was feeling very motivated with my life and I decided I wanted to get in better shape.

A healthy mind is a healthy body as they say. So I decided to buy an Apple Watch. I don’t usually buy into fitness gizmos but I decided I was going to try it before I knocked it. And I’m glad I did, as it’s been over a year now and I still use it everyday- it was a really meaningful purchase that I can justify with how much it has helped me.

Ever since I stopped drinking energy drinks, I had replaced them with sugary drinks such as cola, which as I was getting more into my healthy lifestyle, the more I wanted to cut out these sugary drinks, so that’s what I did. I may have not documented my day-to-day feelings of when I stopped drinking energy drinks, but I remembered to do it for when I stopped drinking sugary drinks:

Fizzy Drink Detox

(documentation for one week)

Day One

Today I made the decision to totally quit drinking fizzy drinks. I have decided to do this mainly for my physical health, but also for my mental health too. I want to be more mindful of what I’m putting in my body.

Someone that once meant a lot to me once told me that it would help clear up my acne-prone-skin if I drink more water and less sugary drinks. I really hate water, and always have, even as an infant. So needless to say, this will be an… interesting experience.

Day Two

It’s been only two days since I quit fizzy drinks and no matter how much water I drink it’s like the thirst doesn’t go away. You don’t really notice it until you take it away. It’s like I’m always thirsty, even if I’ve drank two litres of water.

I’ve never felt so tired. I didn’t take my usual sleep medication last night and I fell asleep perfectly fine without them, probably because my body is not so hyped up on sugar, so I guess that’s a good thing. It’s still not as bad as when I stopped drinking energy drinks though.

Day Three

It’s been three days since I quit fizzy drinks and although I still feel down, for some reason I don’t feel nearly as anxious as I usually do. It may or may not be from the lack of processed sugars in my body, I don’t know.

I feel less like a zombie, but only slightly, nothing compared to when I quit energy drinks earlier this year, as there was a dramatic change almost instantly then. Though, my family have said I have been “short and snappy” today.

But from the research I did beforehand, that is normal to feel. My poor little tastebuds are still like “Alex! Cola! Please!” But from what I knew from when I quit caffeine, that’ll fade more and more each day.

I can’t really analyse my sleep fairly last night as I was up late, but I did notice that I woke up a lot less frequently during the night, and when I woke up in the morning I felt a lot less groggy then I used to.

Day Four

I have literally no concentration span, even less than usual. I have found it hard to sit still for even something simple like a ten minute YouTube video, or brushing my teeth. Even after a minute, I was like “UGH!”

But it’s not the kind of “lack of energy” no motivation, it feels like the total opposite. Like my brain wants to do so much stuff that my body physically can’t keep up or handle it. I don’t know if my mind is doing it as a distraction though.

This is the total opposite of how I felt when I quit caffeine, which was something I didn’t expect. Speaking of energy though, I do feel like I have a lot more physical energy. I am in the process of moving house, and today I packed so many boxes with ease.

My achy bones seem a lot less sore, I suffer from really poor joints and they are always clicking and squeaking. It’s been so painful for years, especially my knees, hips and elbows. But now they feel a lot, lighter I guess. I want to say that it’s not resonated but it does seem like a coincidence.

Day Five

Honestly? I’ve felt unstoppable all day. All my aches have vanished. Maybe I’m just having an unrelated good day, I don’t know. Anyone that knows me, knows that I suffer from excruciating headaches almost on a daily basis. But I haven’t had a single headache for the past few days.

I also used to get these dizzy spells that would come on rapidly. It was just as confusing as it was terrifying, as it could happen in the middle of the day, or the dead of night, and it would feel like the world was turning upside down for hours.

Yet, I haven’t felt like that once. Not even a less intense version of it. I’ve felt, for the first time in years, physically perfect. I haven’t been craving any kind of sugary drink really, but I’ve made sure to still have foods with sugars in to compensate it for now. One tithing at a time in the road to a perfect life.

I still don’t have much concentration. Anything where I would sit down for long periods of time, I just get bored, which is also something I didn’t expect. This includes reading, studying of watching a movie or podcast.

I still really hate drinking water, people say that it’s because my body is so use to the sugar that everything else seems bland, but I should grow used to it eventually.

Day Six

Water is growing on me. I’ve noticed that because I’m not constantly in taking sugar, when I eat food with sugar in it, I can actually taste the sugar more, which makes me feel nauseous faster then it would of done otherwise.

I feel a lot more calmer today. Like I can actually sit through a ten minute long YouTube video without getting distracted with other matters.

I don’t even want to drink fizzy drinks, I had a mouthful of Pepsi Max earlier (because it has no sugar) and I just didn’t want it. The fizziness hurt my mouth and it was rather unpleasant.

Day Seven

I feel like I have woken up from whatever haze I was in caused my my excessive amounts of sugar. I understand sugar isn’t evil, but the amount I was personally consuming was dangerous.

Would I recommend detoxing from sugary or fizzy drinks? I mean, I guess so. If you feel like you depend on them, or that they’re having a negative effect on you, such as keeping you up at night etc, then yes.

I think, for the people who only have fizzy or sugary drinks on occasion, I don’t think they would notice any difference. I think I only had such ‘extreme’ effects because I had so many a day for many years.

General Life

In the summer, me and my family found out we were moving house, which I have already written about, so I spent most of the summer helping my parents pack (as well as playing animal crossing of course). I made sure to get out for at least one walk a day. My favourite place that I found in the summer to go on hikes is a place called Thurstaston Rocks and it’s very tricky to get to the highest point, but the view is well worth it.

August 2020 came by all too quickly, and I was trying my best to use up all my paints before we permanently moved into the new house. I was thinking for a long time about something I could paint, then all of a sudden, someone that means a lot to me text me that day, and I remembered the first time I heard their voice and it was in a video they had sent me a long time ago talking about their fridge and how it was full of cola bottles… that was it!

Cola bottles!

I think they were anxious about sending me a video of their voice, and they were taking about any random thing that popped into their head. I bet they never thought it would of stayed in my mind for so many years to come, and to now be put into artwork. Most people look at the artwork I do and tell me that it must be so boring to create, but that’s so far from the truth. My autistic brain thrives from repetitiveness. This was the artwork once it was completed. Yes, I did draw, cut and paint every individual cola bottle by hand:

On September we could finally move into our new house, and I could finally decorate my bedroom. The entire house hadn’t been decorated since the 1960’s, and I was not happy. So for over a month I spent my time turning my room into an intentional space that brought a lot of joy into my life. Not because of the stuff inside it, but because it was a safe space for me to be me.

This was what the room looked like when I first moved in, I quickly realised the house was very dated. This entire room had just one power outlet. It’s a double one though, so at least that’s something. The landlord wouldn’t let us remove the brown cupboards, so what did I do? I built an entire wall in front of them, and this was the end result:

Currently, I am still trying to simplify while finding the right balance. I may not be exactly where I want to be right now- mentally or geographically, but things are starting to get better, for all of us. The metaphorical clouds are finally dispersing to uncover a small glimmer of blue sky that I, and I’m sure many others, have been waiting all too long for.